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    2/9/2007

    假如我不曾爱你

    凌晨两点的梦境。
    熟悉的声音,回头,熟悉的笑容、衣着和味道。我能感觉到自己当时的心跳。
    他伸出手,那种神情,那种温度,那种力度,于是便心甘情愿得跟他走了很远。
    ——“还在上大学吧”
    ——“是的”
    ——“你的文章我以前都给你了吧”
    ——“我们都两年多没见了”
         “你结婚了吧”
    ——“是的,我结了”
    又是一个这样美好的愿望梦。
    时间越久,我越不愿意承认曾经有过这样一段经历,我以为,它们真的已经淡了,它们真的是我年轻时候天真的梦。所以,我从来没有用华丽的词藻,或是饱含深情地叙述,记录关于这些年的故事。所有与它们有关的,全都是零零碎碎的叙述。
    我以为某年某月与某个人,是恋爱;某年某月对某个人,是心动,可是,我完全错了。不过是在找一个又一个与他相似的部分拼凑在一起,声音、品位、衣着的颜色、眼睛的样子。可是,那种气度我找不到,那种安全我也找不到,曾经给我的那种热情,也找不到。
    为什么就不能再见面呢?我常常用这个无聊的问题折磨自己,见面又如何?
    我无法忍受自己做以前一样的事,我想,现在这样完全是他想要的,远离我,安安静静地。
     
     
     

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